Discontentment

Posted by John on Mar 19th, 2007 | no comments

[?October ?30, ?2004]

I have long struggled with discontentment but have not recognized it as such until now. This leads me to believe that these two things are true: 1) my heart is deceitful, and 2) Satan will use all his capacity to hinder my awareness of the first truth. Let me explain.

My condition is this: a constantly repeating cycle of stimulus, emotional response, discontentment, reasoning, repentance, contentment, growth. Each state of the cycle is accompanied by several characteristics which I shall herein describe.

Stimulus

The first phase is stimulus. I have noticed little difference between the effects of negative and positive stimuli. It could be a word of praise from someone I admire, or a word of reprimand from an authority figure. It could be a wonderful mission trip or a difficult shift in corporate policy. Both kinds of stimuli elicit an emotional response from me.

Emotional Response

The second phase is emotional response. I have noticed that after receiving the stimulus I feel like responding in an emotional way. The stimulus probes deeply into my heart where a conversation of immense importance begins to take place while my mind is a captive audience. Here is an example of a negative stimulus.

My manager calls me into his office at work and tells me that I am lacking in some area, or that the quality of my work is slipping. Inside a conversation begins:

“He’s displeased with me. I failed again. Surely this will count against me when it comes time for my annual review. On top of that this could really ruin my chances for a pay increase, which I need to help pay off my debts. Oh, no…I’m screwed.”

Notice the fears that engulf my heart followed by my final self-judgment. Fear of disapproval, fear of failure, fear of inadequacy, and fear of financial insecurity. I’m sure there are others, but this is a bad start. The end result is a spirit of discontentment.

This phase could take anywhere from seconds to minutes to days to weeks. Physical symptoms are raised blood pressure, numbness, sinking posture. Emotional symptoms are fear, anger, excitement, pain.

Discontentment

The third phase is discontentment. This can be a long or short phase, and may be compounded by my emotional response to several other stimuli, which are occurring simultaneously. In other words, I could be in the middle of the discontentment phase when another stimulus and emotional response adds to the severity of my current level of discontentment.

Let’s go back to the example of the manager. After casting judgment against myself I begin to raise defenses with these kinds of heart thoughts:

“I don’t think I like this work. I don’t want to be here. I wish I could be doing something else. What else am I good at? I could do that. How can I get from here to there? My heart’s not in this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t look at another line of code. It disgusts me. I won’t do this anymore. Get me out of here!”

Notice the progressive negativity (discontentment) rising out of my wounded, fearful heart. The phrases, “I don’t think,” “I don’t want,” “I wish,” “I can’t,” “I won’t,” are increasingly extreme ways of expressing discontentment.

Now enters the deceit of the heart and the Deceiver himself. If my mind can be convinced that there is a legitimate, moral reason for letting go of the thing “I don’t want” and embracing the “I wish,” then my mind will concur with my heart that I should go do the thing I wish for, all the while acting in a spirit of discontentment.

For example, the Deceiver will whisper half-truths to my wounded heart, which in turn will try to convince my mind in this manner. “Hey, you know that God is calling you into the ministry. You really should head in that direction. The reason why you don’t want to do what you are doing is because God is calling you away from it. He’s calling you into the ministry now. It is a much greater thing to be in the ministry full-time than to be in your current position. You are right to feel the way you do. Go on; take the leap. Step out in faith.”

While it is true that I feel God’s call into the ministry will come in the future at the right time, it will not come in the form of discontentment. Notice the deception, “The reason why you don’t want to do what you are doing is because God is calling you away from it…It is a much greater thing to be used by Him in full-time ministry than to be in your current position.” If my mind can be convinced to follow my deceitful heart, then there is a basis for my will to act on my heart’s discontentment.

Physical symptoms of this phase are stomach discomfort, strained thought, daydreaming, forced smiling, and increased heart rate. The emotional symptoms are anxiety, restlessness, and hopelessness.

Reasoning

The fourth phase is reasoning. This phase usually overlaps the discontentment phase in the form of a battle between the mind and the heart. In essence, the Holy Spirit and my mind rebuff my heart with biblical truth and logic. In other words, they keep my wounded heart from ruling my will.

For example, the reasoning of my mind and the Holy Spirit goes like this. “If you were to leave, where would you go and what would you do? Don’t sink your own ship in an effort to force God’s hand to rescue you. The only thing you know right now is that God has you here today. And while you are here, you need to do these things. In His kindness and mercy He has given you this job. Why would you want to be out of a good job? Don’t scorn his goodness.”

Sometimes my heart concedes right away, but other times it throws a tantrum. It wants its way. But it cannot argue against the truth and win. The only way the heart can win in this situation is to despise the truth. This is a most dangerous situation, for it is then that the heart wears down the mind to complete exhaustion, sheers the conscience and quenches the Holy Spirit. Then the sinful heart is free to act unbridled in all manner of ungodly activity. But up until this point in my life, the reasoning of my mind and the Holy Spirit’s use of Scripture has tamed my heart back into its domesticated position. God forbid that I yield to my heart in its unbridled state.

Since this phase overlaps the discontentment phase, physical and emotional symptoms peak. As reasoning calms the heart, the body tends towards a state of relaxation. Emotions tend toward relief, hope and stability.

Repentance

The fifth phase is repentance. This phase is usually brief. It involves the surrender of my heart to God through verbal or internal prayer. In prayer I confess and repent for my spirit of discontentment.

For example, “Lord, I’m sorry. Help me to have a better attitude. Help me to do a better job here. Grant me wisdom and understanding and diligence and integrity while I’m here. Thank you for forgiving me.”

Contentment

The sixth phase is contentment. This phase can last a very long time or just a short time depending on the timing and intensity of the next major stimulus and emotional response. In this phase, the heart surrenders to the will and comes to a place of rest.

For example, the heart says, “You know, you’re right. This is not such a bad place to work. In fact, it’s a good place. In fact, I could work here for the rest of my life if God wants me to be here. He just wants me to be content where I am and do the best I can while I’m here. He’ll make it clear when He wants me in the ministry. It will be clear to me, my wife and everyone else when the time comes. God is good and God is sovereign, and I have everything I need.”

Notice the peace of mind and heart as they come to agree. It comes from submitting my whole heart, mind and body to God while embracing two great truths: 1) God is in complete control of my current situation, and 2) God’s purpose for my current situation is only good.

Physical symptoms are relaxed muscles, calm heart rate and natural smiling. Emotional symptoms are joy, restfulness, courage and stability.

Growth

The last phase is growth. There comes out of this entire process an increased measure of faith, hope, love, patience and contentment. Repeatedly and willfully submitting my whole heart and mind to God in my current situation strengthens me, and prepares me for next time I am tempted to become discontented.

Conclusion

I think that the mastery of the art and mystery of true Christian contentment comes through the regular, natural exercise of this cycle. If I am to remain in the state of contentment, I must change my emotional response to the stimuli. I must replace the negative thoughts with God’s promises.

In the example I stated with the manager, I had the following thoughts. “He’s displeased with me. I failed again. Surely this will count against me when it comes time for my annual review. On top of that this could really ruin my chances for a pay increase, which I need to help pay off my debts. Oh, no…I’m screwed.”

These thoughts need to be rejected immediately as deception and a catalyst for discontentment. Perhaps a healthier, godly set of thoughts would be a prayer like this. “Lord, he is displeased with me, and perhaps rightly so. I know full well that am a wounded sinner, saved by your great grace and mercy. Remind me every day that you have placed me here, and you have promised to give me what I need to fulfill this duty. If I lack wisdom, grant me wisdom; if understanding, grant me understanding; if diligence, grant me diligence; if integrity, grant me integrity. Help me to know how pleased you are with me in this task. You know how much my heart longs to serve you faithfully. Help me to know how much you love me and accept me as your Beloved.”

By ridding my thoughts that inevitably lead to discontentment, by the help of the Holy Spirit within me, I may master the art and mystery of true Christian contentment.

Opus 15: With Wings Like Eagles

Posted by John on Mar 18th, 2007 | no comments