It seems a strange thing to me that when our bodies are weakest, our emotions are strongest. The thoughts and feelings we never knew were in us unexpectedly rise to the surface. And so it was on the fourth day between Nevada Falls and Vernal Falls:
Nevada and Vernal Falls
I try to escape the intense pain in my legs and my lungs, each step a decision to continue until my body finally slips into auto-pilot. I’m getting used to the thirty-plus pounds on my back. It seems as if my mind is floating above my body. I wish I had the energy to enjoy the beautiful trees, the path and the two waterfalls. I stop every few hundred feet to catch my breath. I lean heavily on my big walking stick.
Earlier in the day I told my good friend, Son, that God had been awfully quiet on the trip so far. I wanted to learn something, to take something away from this experience. I’ve known God long enough to know that He’s never absent. Sometimes He hides His presence from us, though. That’s where faith comes in. God reveals Himself to those who believe. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” (James 4:8)I needed to be alone. I told the guys to go ahead so that I could go at my own pace. I prayed, “God, show me something.”
Now, hours later, between the two falls, I find myself alone. My body feels broken and my emotions start to rise. My thoughts go back to my grandfather, John, for whom I am named. I never knew him. He died when I was a baby. My mom has a picture of him holding me. Why do I miss him so much? My eyes start to water.
I hear God answer my morning prayer, “You never grieved for him.”
I begin to cry right there on the path while my body continues to move. My sunglasses shield the tears while my lips tremble. “God, why did you take him away from me? I never got to know him! What was he like? Help me to know him.” I wrestle with God, allowing myself to just feel whatever comes up. I tell Him how I feel. I am a boy sobbing in his Father’s arms.
I come around the bend. Oh, great! There’s a fork in the road. Where are the other guys? Which way do I go? One sign says “Yosemite Valley 2.5 miles” and it goes uphill. The other path says “Vernal Falls” and it goes downhill. I thought we only had a mile to go and it was downhill! UGGH!
I follow the sign. I start heading uphill. The switchbacks are relentless and steep. I have to stop now every 50 feet to catch my breath and cool my body down. I only have a couple drops of water left. GOD, this is crazy! I’m lost, I’m alone, I’m out of water, I’m dehydrated. I CAN’T GO ANY FURTHER! I’M GOING TO DIE HERE!
I hear God answer my second prayer, “Enter his suffering.”
He brings to mind the time when Grandpa was fighting the Germans in WWII. He got separated from his company in the mountains and was captured. He must have felt this way, only worse! All at once I feel like I know my Grandpa in a way that I cannot describe with words. My heart is permeated with empathy for him. Somehow I enter into his suffering with my own. I praise God. My misery turns to joy!
The Holy Spirit brings to mind Christ’s suffering. I try to enter into His suffering, too, to identify with Him, but mine doesn’t compare. What pain He must have endured! He did it for me! I begin to see the joy in suffering for another. I begin to understand Hebrews 12:2, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” I bask in his comfort and peace.
I have nothing left in my body to give. I just sit under a tree. I pray for God to send an angel. I’m dehydrated and starting to feel it. A woman comes down the path towards me. I ask for water, but she has none to give. She asks where I am going. “Yosemite valley,” I reply.
God answers my third prayer through this woman. “You’re going the wrong way,” she said, “It’s down past Vernal Falls.”
I thank her and we speedily make our way down the mountainside till we get to Vernal Falls. I stoop to fill my bottle with water that flowing swiftly between the falls. She goes on ahead. I rest and absorb the crystal clear fluids as they go down my parched throat. I regain a little energy, but not much. I head down the steep trail, step after step, enjoying the mist off the falls as I descend.
As I near the bottom I see my friend, Chad (Navigator), coming up the path toward me. We talk briefly and He takes my backpack. I stumble along till we reach the spot where my guys are waiting patiently for me. They give me a place to lie down and fill my bottle with a sports drink. A few minutes later we head to the Valley Floor. My pack feels lighter. Someone took out the heavy stuff! And thus my comrades exemplify the great exhortation, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ” (Galatians 6:2)