The Cure For Shyness

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by John on December 20th, 2009
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I discovered something in the last two weeks that has freed me from a lifetime of shyness.

It has changed the way I view myself in the workplace, in social settings, and how I relate with my children. It has greatly reduced my fears of success and of failure, and thus has opened me up to try new things.

The moment of discovery occurred while listening to Brian Tracy’s Success Mastery Academy during the drive to work one morning.

Mr. Tracy was saying that we limit our ability to succeed in business when we do not like ourselves. He had the listener repeat “I like myself!” over and over again until they sincerely mean it. At first I sneered at this exercise, but what shocked me was how difficult it was for me to say it. I realized at that moment:

I don’t like myself!

I started examining myself, “Does God like you, John? Yes, He delights in me. Do other people like you, John? Yes, I have many friends. Then why don’t you like yourself, John? I don’t know!” I resolved at that moment to say, “I like myself!” throughout the rest of the day as an experiment.

The impact was powerful and immediate. I couldn’t say it without smiling. I found myself greeting strangers instead of walking with my head down. I felt empowered to look at my employer in the eye instead of feeling guilty for no reason. I actually enjoyed our Christmas parties this year instead of watching from a distance.

The cause of my shyness and false guilt was clearly my dislike of myself, though I never realized it before. As far as I can tell, much of this stemmed from years of spiritual abuse during childhood. To stay in the good graces of my spiritual leaders I had to maintain a “look” of humility. I would beat myself up emotionally until I felt humble enough. I disliked myself into a spirit of sadness, and that worked at the time.

In God’s goodness, He doesn’t leave us in our broken state. He ever-so-graciously brings us to these break-through moments of self-discovery, at the right place and right time, for our good and for His glory.

Do you struggle with shyness or false guilt?

If so, what keeps you from liking yourself?

Side note: Perhaps there are legitimate feelings of guilt for disobeying God or wronging others. I can only point to the reason we celebrate Christmas. God, requiring justice but loving mercy, entered our physical world to provide a way for us to be forgiven of all of our sins–past, present and future. Forgiving ourselves starts with receiving forgiveness from God and from others. Beyond that, what’s not to like about you?