Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief !”
Mark 9:24 (NIV)

Doubts are the persistent nippings of dogs.

Some of these doubts are so full of venom that they harden the heart.  Once bitten, a victim finds that he cannot believe in anything outside himself.  He disowns his heavenly Father much like one might disown his earthly one.  In his mind, there is no God.

The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”
Psalm 14:1a

I have at times been grazed with such a bite, usually inflicted by the skeptic who is satisfied with nothing but his own answer, whose heart was hardened long ago.  My own doubts about God’s existence are always momentary, for He graciously reminds me that He does not require my permission or my faith to exist–that He was, and is, and will be, long after I return to dust.

There are other doubts from other dogs that are equally dangerous.

Their potency lies in their ability to paralyze the believer.  These toxins work their way into the spiritual nervous system and draw into question the character of God, His wisdom, and His power.

• Is God really good?
• Why doesn’t He care?
• Does God really know what He’s doing?
• How could He let this happen?
• Where was God when I needed Him most?
• How am I going to get out of this mess?

I have keenly felt this during times of financial need, especially during this past year when expenses outweighed income and no solution was apparent.  It is much easier to trust a credit card than to trust God.  Yet, without fail, every time Becky and I trusted God to provide, He did.  It was not always in the manner expected, but He did. 

And yet, despite His faithfulness to me and my family, I still struggle with doubt every time a financial crisis hits (though the sting has weakened).  It reminds me of what the Apostle John wrote of his contemporaries.

Even after Jesus had done all these miraculous signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him.
John 12:37

Do you struggle with doubts, too?

How do we keep the dogs at bay?

• Read the Bible and memorize the promises - In it, God clearly displays His goodness, His wisdom, and His power to save.
• Pray – You cannot deny the person you are speaking with.  Praying while you read the Bible is detoxifying and invigorating.  It softens the heart and brings life to your spirit.
• Seek Counsel - You cannot fend off the dogs alone; you need others who have battled these dogs before to fight with you.  Surround yourself with like-minded believers.
• Practice – When times are tough we tend to leave God as the last resort.  Next time, go to Him first.  Ask for more faith, and persist till He satisfies your aching heart.

The Apostle Paul wrote this of Abraham,

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
Romans 4:20-21

May the same be true of us, and may all who follow us find us faithful to the end.

If you find encouragement in this, pass it on.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

The LORD will work out his plans for my life–for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me. ~ Psalm 138:8 (NLT)

A child’s mind whirls with imagination even before they are asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” 

Mine was quite active with dreams of writing a book, releasing a music album, running an orphanage with a boys choir, and so much more.  Some dreams I fulfilled, and others may remain dreams.

Over the years my dreams became more ambitious.  Not only did I want to release an album, I wanted to be a full-time musician.  On one occasion during early marriage, both young and foolish, I attempted this for a month before funds ran out and my previous employer graciously took me back.

Ten years later, armed with enough reserves to last six months, I ventured again to make it work.  That six months was an incredible, educational experience for me and my family.  In my need to make it work, I generated all kinds of ideas for marketing music.  I ended this experiment with the release of my third solo piano album, Zuzu’s Petals, which consumed the last of our savings.

So what happens when you realize your dream may die?

Clearly, my marketing had not yielded sustainable results.  I abhored the thought of letting my dream die.  I was convinced that this was God’s purpose for me.  I was convinced that He would provide for my family if I just stayed the course.

My definition of faith was staying the course and trusting God to provide.  Becky’s definition was going back to computer work (that God had always blessed financially) and trusting God to grow the musical seeds I had planted.  Coming to an understanding of these differences was, at the least, strenuous.

Through the counsel of others and the many patient appeals of Becky, I reluctantly agreed to go back to corporate life.  Dazed and confused, I felt the dream die deep inside me.  I surrendered my ambitions to God and trusted that He could do something with the mess I made, in His own time and His own way.

As the months went by, this proved to be the best decision for our family.  God gave me a contract job with so much overtime that we had just enough money to pay our property taxes on time and keep our bank account open.  That incredible orchestration of circumstances deepened our faith in the living God who is very real and very involved in the details of our lives.

When my contract ran out, there was not enough work to hire me as a full-time employee.  My job search proved fruitless.  With no income, we turned to God and asked for His provision.  A week later, as the result of a miscommunication, I showed up at my contract employer’s office the same day one of their senior web developers announced his resignation.  I was hired the next day.

What happened to my dreams of a music career during this time? 

Well, earlier this year I was informed that two of my new piano works were accepted for Whisperings Solo Piano Radio.  Not only was my music playing on mainstream internet radio around the world, I now had access to the entire community of Whisperings solo piano composers.  What a creative, passionate group of people who love their craft and work together to promote each other!

That brings us to the present.  Two weeks ago I was asked to do a joint concert at a Memphis-based music store with two well-known Whisperings artists.  While the details of this concert are forthcoming, I will say that the concert will take place exactly one year after I witnessed my first Whisperings solo piano concert at The Sound Kitchen in Franklin, TN, just outside of Nashville.

Friends, this wasn’t even on my radar last year.  Honestly, I can’t take credit for this.  There’s no room for boasting.  While I wasn’t looking, God watered the seeds I planted last year, in His own time and His own way.

Remember when I let my dream die?  Before that, my fist was clenched around it.  I did all the work and got all the credit.  I had to open my hand and let God take it from me.  I had to trust Him in a way that I never before imagined.

So, how do you let a dream die gracefully? 

1. Place your trust in the living God to do all that He has planned for you. 
2. Trust that His plans for you are far better than your own. 
3. Trust that He remains good, wise, and able to act on your behalf, even when you let go.

So, what’s your story? 

• Are you clinging to a dream that God is not blessing? 
• What might happen if you let go of it and trust Him with the results?

Stay tuned for Part 2:  How To Lose Your Dream House Gracefully

A long day of work is followed by dinner with the family, and it’s finally time to put the kiddos to bed.

On some nights I’m tired, impatient, selfish, or busy, and the hour it takes to put my four little ones to bed seems to drag on forever.  (I feel guilty writing that sentence!)

Most nights, though, I relish every moment.  These nights have become more frequent as I have let go of my ambitions for a music career.  Becky says I’m enjoying the kids more, and I am.   Daddy’s just more fun when he’s not focused on himself!

One by one I make the rounds–not always the same order, but everyone gets time with Daddy.

Lately they ask me if I brought my iPhone with me.  They like to play Angry Birds, or Tic-Tac-Toe, or Checkers.  Sometimes it’s a Muppet video on YouTube, or exploring Google Earth to find Daddy’s car parked in the driveway.  It’s a fun time!

Two nights ago my son asked me if I had my phone.  I said no.  He turned to Becky and said, “Mommy, can you put me to bed?”  Just goes to show where his loyalty lies!

Then tonight, as I lay next to my second daughter, Abby, she wrapped her arms around my arm and said, “Don’t go, Daddy!  Let’s talk more.  I missed you this week.” Those are the moments you let go of the agenda–you relax, linger, and listen.

Dads, what will your kids remember about you?

I bet they’ll remember the times you lingered.

One of the Bible verses that has been a constant reminder of God’s power and goodness is Romans 8:28:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

The next two verses go on to say that His purpose for us is to grow in Christ-like character, to reconcile our relationship with Him, and to be with Him in glory.  In these words lie the promise of pain.

Pain breaks us.  It humbles us.  It reminds us to call on the Lord.  Then, in our broken state, He lifts us up and injects us with His life-giving comfort, His character, His peace, and His glory.

When, in my own suffering I am tempted to doubt the goodness and power of God, I read the blogs of two childhood friends who know well the purpose for suffering:

• Angie Davis (cancer survivor) – http://springofjoy.org/
• Monica Snyder (whose daughter Danica has Chiari, a rare brain malformation) – http://teamdanica.com/
  Please read her blog and consider a donation to Danica’s Chiari Fund!
  

After reading their blogs, it is clear that God uses pain to raise up His best servants.  These precious people inspire me as they cling to the promise that their suffering has and is accomplishing ALL that God intended from it–none of it wasted.

I share them with you so that in the midst of your own present or future suffering, you also may find encouragement in their words of hope, joy, and peace.

In the Client-Centered Paradigm, there is a relationship between the perceived value of the client and the perceived value of the music. The client perceives the value of the music in direct proportion to the amount of value and honor the musician shows the client. As the perceived value of the music increases, so does the potential revenue from that music.

Compare the two paradigms:
Musician-Centered: I could compose a beautiful piano work inspired by a beautiful nature scene. I could record it and sell it on iTunes 99 cents per download. Some nameless fan would appreciate it and I would receive 70 cents from their download.

Client-Centered: I could interview a particular fan to learn about them–their personality, memories, dreams, and passions. I could sit down at the piano and compose a beautiful piano work inspired by that beautiful person. I could make it special by creating a custom CD, framing that CD, and writing a beautiful note about how that person inspired this piece of music. Sure I could sell it on iTunes for 99 cents per download, but this time there’s a story that needs to be told. The music is more valuable now, at least to that beautiful person, their family and their friends. And if I tell their story to the world, perhaps the world as well.

If you are a musician, how much would your future clients be willing to pay for a gift like this? A gift as rare and unique as the recipient. A gift that can only be given once and only to that person. A gift that honors the recipient in front of the whole world in way that nothing else can.

The indispensable musician is someone who chooses his muse, and that muse is outside himself. The value of his music is a reflection of the value of his muse. When his muse is another person, then his music is priceless.

Prev…Part 3: The Client-Centered Paradigm

Next…Part 5: Free MP3s As Loss Leader

Two years ago during a viewing session with our family photographer, my paradigm started to shift in a new direction. Our photographer played my piano music as the soundtrack to our photo slideshow. It turned a pleasant experience into a stunningly emotional one. We wanted to buy ALL of the pictures. The music helped increase the perceived value of the product.

We talked about the prospect of composing music for slideshows, and he handed me a sample photo album of another client to test the idea. The result of that test was this song, which made it onto my album, Zuzu’s Petals:

It wasn’t until a year later that this seed germinated into two ideas:

1. PianoGraphy – Custom piano music for photographers and videographers to use in slideshows and videos
2. Piano Portraits (i.e., tributes) – Custom piano music given as gifts, and inspired by the recipients themselves.

In the new paradigm, the client provides the inspiration for the music. The client pays for the creation of the music. The client shares this music with others who become fans. Some of those fans become clients. Lather, rinse, repeat.

In the new paradigm, the number of MP3 downloads is no longer a central goal. The central goal is now building deep, authentic relationships with individual fans, one at a time. It’s about inviting them into the creative process. It’s about letting them share the music they inspired with the world.

It’s about them.

Prev…Part 2: The Musician-Centered Paradigm

Next…Part 4: Value-Added Music

There was a time when I believed I could make a living by creating music that I loved, slapping it onto a CD, sending it to CDBaby, promoting it on a radio station, getting it discovered by a label, and watching my inbox for sales reports.  Perhaps a bit naive for the new kid on the block, but that was my childish dream.  I tried it.  That model failed.

In his book, Free: The Future of a Radical Price, Chris Anderson clearly lays out the dilemma with this model. The cost of goods is heading toward zero, competition is skyrocketing, and the perceived value has plummeted.

For example, I rarely buy music. Yep, a musician who rarely buys music. My iPhone holds several days worth of music. I can download countless MP3s from various artists’ websites, Amazon.com, and other legitimate sources. When I want to listen to something new, I swing over to Pandora. When I reach the limit on the free account, I swing over to Last.fm, theSixtyOne.com, or Uvumi.com for unlimited streaming. Most of the CDs I own were given as gifts.

How does a musician eek out a living in the world of FREE? Unless he tours and sells a ton of CDs and tickets, he’s not going to survive. His CDs will continue to sit and collect dust in the closet. Then, after exhausting himself, he settles back into a more reliable source of income, hopefully something he really enjoys. Music becomes a hobby for nights and weekends.

There’s got to be a better way.

Prev…Part 1: Introduction

Next…Part 3: The Client-Centered Paradigm

In this series of articles, “The Indispensable Musician”, I am going to share my ideas–and experiments–on what it means for an independent musician to really unleash the artist within.  Combined, these ideas generate a fresh paradigm that respects and promotes the uniqueness and value of each independent artist and of each fan.

I will be so bold as to say that the musician who successfully practices these ideas may only require 100 true fans to eek out a living.  (See Kevin Kelly’s 1000 True Fans.)  I will also say that the first online music store to incorporate these ideas into their system will win.  We shall see.

Next…Part 2: The Musician-Centered Paradigm

For the past 20+ years I made it my goal to make a living from my music, yet God hasn’t seen fit to bless it in that way. Instead He’s blessed me and my family through software and web development.

If I can find a web/software job, I’m taking it and staying there until God peels me away from it. I’d rather provide for my family everything I am capable of giving them than pursuing a dream that God doesn’t seem to agree with me on. The latter leaves my soul lean.

So I am letting go of the goal which has robbed me of my joy and consumed my mind to the exclusion of more important things. I will still compose and produce music, but only because I enjoy it. It will be a hobby to share, and not so much a business to run.

What does this mean to you, my friends?

The biggest change is in my mind.  The second biggest is allowing my fans to pay what they want for my downloads (including FREE), and to share it freely with their friends.  I will still sell sheet music, CDs, licenses for business use, piano tributes (portraits), etc.  Please stay tuned over the next week as I implement this change.

~

Better to forget the things we THINK will make us happy than to forget the things that ALREADY make us happy.

Another thought that has haunted me over the past few months is that I only have seven more years with my oldest daughter.  She’s had a father who is preoccupied mentally and emotionally with his dreams.  What she needs is a father who cares more for her than for himself.

Whatever we can dream up will last for a moment, but children are eternal.

Pursue them first, and then when they are gone, pursue your dreams.  If they are good dreams, they will rise again.

The world says pursue your dreams at any cost; but it is far better to enjoy what God has already given to you with contentment, joy and peace.

A wise piano composer recently told me this about God:

He has to ‘pull’ things into being. I cannot ‘push’ things to happen.

I’m coming to realize that it may be a few more years before I’ll be able to invest 100% into music. Seems like every musician faces this dilemma in one way or another. I’m thankful God has given me the skill of web development to provide stability for my family while I move in the direction of my deeper passion.

My Dad once said, “You can’t steer a ship unless it’s moving.” So we keep moving and trusting that God will direct our steps into all the good things He has prepared for us in His time.

Unfortunately this means the Now I Sleep project will take longer than I originally planned. Thank you for your patience. I’ve got about four songs complete, six more to go. Pray for me and this project please.

I treasure your prayers, your support, and your friendship.

John