Posts Tagged: ‘suffering’

Praying for Danica

Monica Snyder and I were pen pals in high school, which is how we both developed a love for writing. I lived near Rochester, NY, and she lived in Staunton, VA. I call her “Sis”, not just because of our relationships with Christ, but because we’ve walked out of some dark places together by His grace.

After high school we lost touch for many years, but through the blessing of Facebook we were able to pick up where we left off…encouraging each other to walk with Christ through written word. Since then, I’ve seen the struggle that she and her family have faced, especially since they found out that their little girl, Danica, has a rare Chiari malformation in her brain. Here’s an explanation from their website:

What this means in simple terms is she has a gap where most people’s skulls are closed so some of her brain is sticking out into her spinal column. She had brain decompression surgery in November of last year which brought her some relief, but her brain is herniated again, and she needs another more involved brain decompression. In addition to her Chiari, Danica was diagnosed with atlas assimilation, a congenital formation of her skull fused to her neck vertebrae. She needs spinal fusion to help make her stable. ~ http://teamdanica.com

This week Danica had that procedure done at a Cincinnati hospital. She is in recovery at the hospital’s Pediatric ICU, under careful watch. She does not respond well to many pain-relieving medications, and she is intensely uncomfortable.

Monica wrote this tonight:

When your flesh and your heart fail

Just a quick update tonight because I can barely think. We have been through the most grueling day of our lives. Danica has been in so much pain and has been having episode after episode of thrashing around and crying. At times it has taken four adults to hold her down. We are back in the PICU tonight, and Danica is calm for the first time in more than eight hours. She is on a new batch of meds and our goal is to keep her resting so the critical first week of her bone graft beginning to heal will take place. Please pray no damage was done today with all her twisting and moving. Please pray for peace for her little body and spirit and acceptance of the brace. Please pray for Dan and I. As you know I was not physically well heading into this. I took some crazy kicks to my abdomen today and have also been going on almost no sleep since very early Tuesday morning. Pray for Dan. God has matured him in amazing ways since Danica’s first surgery. He has been a great support and has been patient and loving even when the frustrations peak. Thank you for all your love and support. I’ll write more when I can.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

So here I am tonight praying for Danica and her dear family. Won’t you join me in praying for them.

Father, please grant Danica relief. Grant a time of rest and calm. Bring peace of mind, and numb the body. Hold her and speak to her in a way that no one else can. In the name of Jesus, for your glory and her good, please do this.

It turns out that Danica’s favorite song is my piano work, Zuzu’s Petals, so I’m working on a special treat for her. Stay tuned. Here’s the original version…that’s all I’ll say. ;)

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The Promise Of Pain

Becky tells me she misses my inspirational blogs, and I miss writing them, so here goes.

One of the Bible verses that has been a constant reminder of God’s power and goodness is Romans 8:28:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

The next two verses go on to say that His purpose for us is to grow in Christ-like character, to reconcile our relationship with Him, and to be with Him in glory.  In these words lie the promise of pain.

Pain breaks us.  It humbles us.  It reminds us to call on the Lord.  Then, in our broken state, He lifts us up and injects us with His life-giving comfort, His character, His peace, and His glory.

When, in my own suffering I am tempted to doubt the goodness and power of God, I read the blogs of two childhood friends who know well the purpose for suffering:

After reading their blogs, it is clear that God uses pain to raise up His best servants.  These precious people inspire me as they cling to the promise that their suffering has and is accomplishing ALL that God intended from it–none of it wasted.

I share them with you so that in the midst of your own present or future suffering, you also may find encouragement in their words of hope, joy, and peace.

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From Angst

Angst.  It’s the word that Becky used last night to describe my state of being over the past few years.  She said it made me emotionally absent.  I had to agree.

Before I trekked to Baborigame in southwestern Mexico last week, which I will describe in later posts, I struggled night and day with angst.  The underlying cause for this was once again discontentment.  This discontentment was both divine and demonic.  (Before thinking such a statement is sacrilegious, please read Job.)  Let me explain.

For years I would go to work and sit behind a computer screen, clocking hours, counting on the next paycheck to cover our monthly expenses.  This is a good reason to go to work, but not a perfectly good reason.  For years I have had little-to-no desire to be doing what I’m doing.  I’m good at what I do, but it’s not my passion.  My passion is music and ministry.  So I lived day in and day out with a spirit of discontentment, frustrated that I wasn’t doing what I felt God created me to do.

Every month or two I would quite naturally go through brainstorming sessions whenever a “cool idea” of making money popped into my head.  It was usually something creative that would fascilitate the transition from the computer world to a life of residual income where I could be free to focus on music and ministry.  I’d bounce the ideas off of my very patient friends, who would critique the ideas.  Were they John’s ideas, or were they God’s ideas?  I could never tell.  Every idea would come and go, and the next day I’d go back to my computer work to cover my monthly expenses.  And the angst would grow each time I went through this process.

Then came Mexico.  I worked with my pastor, John Horne, on a job site and I told him of my struggles with wanting to be in music and ministry.  And he told me something that I’ll never forget.  He said that sometimes, when we are seeking God’s will, He lets us struggle.  It prepares us for the answer.  Try to see your struggle as a positive thing.

I told him how I had idea after idea and I just couldn’t do them all.  He went on to say that God could funnel those ideas such that any or every one of them contributes to the answer.

That’s when the paradigm shift began.  The rest of the day and again at 4:30 a.m. the next morning.  At 4:30, I woke up and I felt that God wanted me to go outside.  I argued a little because it was below freezing.  I did it anyway and I looked up.  The moon shone brightly and millions of stars were shining.  He reminded me of His promise to Abraham, that his descendents by faith would be as numerous as the stars.   God showed me the source of my angst.

I went back inside and warmed myself by the pot-belly stove.  I cried and prayed.  At 6:30 a.m. I said, “Father, I’m tired of trying to figure out your will.”  I turned my notebook over to a blank page and laid my pen on it.  I shoved it across the table and said, “Father, you write it.”  I went up and tried to go back to sleep.

So what was my source of angst?  Simply this, I didn’t trust God. I didn’t trust Him to show me His will in His time and His way…at the best time and in the best way.  I didn’t trust Him enough to wait patiently and peacefully, with contentment.

So I came back to Memphis a changed man.  Everywhere I am is His mission field.  My job, my neighborhood, my church and my home.  It is enough to simply “trust and obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.”

Last night, Becky used the word angst to describe what I was like before the trip.  But now the “old John” is back.  Instead of angst, she said, I now seem to have a peaceful and hopeful expectation.  I had to agree.

In His time and in His way He will reveal all things.

“We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.”  (Proverbs 16:9, NLT)

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